Laura’s Story

This ministry was born out of a desire to serve our Savior and to encourage believers everywhere to seek a closer walk with Him. No matter how long you’ve been following Him, you can be closer. Real Christianity isn’t about church life; it’s following Jesus on the adventure of your lifetime. Let me tell you how my adventure began.

My husband and I had both grown up in church and we thought we were Christians. But real Christianity is not about going to church; real Christianity is about submitting to Jesus and allowing Him to live His supernatural, abundant life through you.

Our lives and our marriage were a mess. My husband’s job relocated us twice in one year and my dreams of graduate school were crushed. We were living in a new city where we had no friends. We were in debt. My mom had died the year before. My husband traveled five days a week and worked at home the other two. My mother-in-law, three hours away, was very ill. I had been diagnosed with stage four endometriosis and, at 34, my fertility was questionable. My life was certainly not turning out the way I had envisioned.

We went to a huge Baptist church and failed miserably at making friends. Nobody liked us. For good reason, I’m sure. After the first six months and a few jobs I really didn’t enjoy, I started working at home doing medical transcription. This eliminated the need for daily pantyhose and wearing a beeper (this was 1994, mind you), but it certainly did nothing to alleviate the loneliness. Both families were three hours away. Not too far, but not close enough to go often. This was long before cell phones and free long distance.

Bill traveled five days a week and even when he was home, I never saw him. We didn’t talk. He had no time for me and every time I brought up the fact that we spent no time together, he gave me what I called his “I’m a very important person” speech. He was too busy. “I’m doing it all for you,” he insisted. Whenever his mom needed him, however, he dropped everything and tended to her. That was the right thing to do, of course, but still. I whined, I complained, I felt sorry for myself, and I spent money we didn’t have. No wonder he didn’t want to be around me.

I was constantly bombarded by negative thoughts: “Do we even need to have a baby if he’s not going to be around? Would I be better off without him? There might be somebody out there who would actually enjoy spending time with me.” We were in a crisis. I didn’t know it at the time, but we were in the battle for our lives.

I know now that God allowed all these things to pile up on me because that’s what it took to drive me to Him. I spent at least an hour in prayer every day, sometimes more. There were several TV preachers I liked to watch. And I prayed for my husband. Fervently. I prayed for myself. I prayed for my marriage. Amazingly, the more time I prayed, the more I wanted to pray. I read Let Prayer Change Your Life, by Becky Tirabassi and I began to keep a prayer journal, just like the author suggested. Around October 1997 I prayed, “God, it’s okay if you don’t give me a baby. I want what you want for me more than I want a baby.” That must have been exactly what God was waiting to hear.

A few months later there was a conference by a now well-known TV preacher in my home town and we made plans to go. Bill ended up not getting home in time to leave and I had an excruciating headache, but I knew I had to get there. I didn’t really know what I was expecting, but I knew, without a doubt, that God wanted me there for some reason.

When I finally got to the church after bad Friday afternoon traffic, everybody around me seemed to be enjoying themselves. The worship team came out, finally, and to say that I didn’t enter into worship was an understatement. In fact, I silently criticized them. I was unimpressed. The headache was worse after the long drive. “Is this never going to be over? I didn’t come here for this. Let’s get on with it already!” What “this” was, I didn’t know. I somehow had the idea that this TV preacher had some crucial information to impart to me and that God had sent me here to hear it.

She had come out inconspicuously during worship and, at long last, worship was over and she stepped forward. She made a few comments about the presence of the LORD being there, which totally went over my head. I had no idea what she was talking about and still just wanted her to start teaching already. I wasn’t feeling it. “Will you just hurry up and teach, already?” I thought. Then she said, “Whoever needs healing, pray for it right now. God wants to heal you.”

“Oh, right,” I thought. “I’ve been praying all day about this stupid headache and you haven’t fixed it. I’m done praying about it.”

“Pray,” nudged that still, small voice.

“I’ve been praying all day!” I protested. (It’s really embarrassing to admit publicly you are stupid enough to argue with the Holy Spirit.)

God was infinitely patient with me. “Just pray,” He said.

“Oh, all right! Whatever is wrong with me, please fix it.”

Immediately I was washed in a dazzling white light. Although I still stood shoulder-to-shoulder with the crowd around me, they had simply faded away. It was just me and God. He had come. I was flooded with the most powerful force I had ever encountered. I was thoroughly and completely engulfed in it - bad attitude and all. I was simply overwhelmed with that all-consuming power: His Love.

Then, in my mind’s eye, I saw myself holding a baby. “My precious child, He said, “I will give you the desire of your heart.”

And then it was over. He was gone. The brilliant white light faded away. Nothing had changed. I still had the blasted headache. And yet, everything had changed. The woman I had been was gone. Standing in her place was a woman on fire for God. Thirty seconds with Him changed my life forever.

That encounter happened on December 13, 1997. My son was born 9-½ months later. I prayed that God would do for my husband what He had done for me and that prayer was answered a year later. 

I had known “For God so loved the world . . .” and I was part of the world, so He loved me. Wrong. He loves me like a righteous father loves his children. I was His child. He knew me, personally. He saw me. He knew what I was and He loved me anyway. Yet, He loved me way too much to leave me the mess I was.

God could have just given me a baby and I would have been happy, but He gave me more than I even knew to ask for: He gave me Himself.

There’s certainly nothing special about Bill or me; God desires intimacy with each one of His children. While we don’t just get an Emmaus Road experience with Jesus whenever we want one, He is much more likely to show up when we make room for Him. The busyness of life will crowd out that precious time with Him if we don’t ruthlessly pursue and protect it. 

Hebrews 11:6 says: “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.”

My desire for Paniym Ministries is to help you diligently pursue the amazing adventure God has planned for you as you seek Him.